Tag Archives: Survival

Put your trash in the garbage …

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and take it to the curb. What else would you do with it. That is all that can be done with trash. Sit it at the curb, wait for the waste management company to pick it up and deliver it to the landfill.  That is where trash belongs and that is where I sent mine yesterday.  Keeping trash in your home is hazardous to your health.  It infects your home with its rancid, foul odor. It can even make you ill.  It causes pests. And, no one will want to visit a home where nasty, stinky trash is kept inside.  There is every reason to remove trash from your home regularly and no reason to keep it inside. So don’t!

Thursday morning is trash day where I live. Yesterday, I sat my trash can at the curb with its week’s worth of garbage inside.  On top of the trash can containing the garbage I had amassed over the past week, I sat the mess-and-a-half and all of his foolishness.  After nine months of full-blown No Contact and the last five months of trying to be neighborly, trying to be a friend, trying to have a semblance of what we had shared — the laughter, food, drink, I just could not do it. I did not want to do it.

The man is too flawed, too broken and is seriously 50 shades of screwed up. I decided on Thursday, October 29th, this is trash. Trash should be thrown out. At the moment I threw out my trash, I felt better than I have in over two years. I felt healed. I felt rejuvenated. And, in the words of the great James Brown, I Feel Good!

I won’t lie to myself or to you, I ended No Contact with him on my own terms hoping that at the very least a friendship would be achievable. I was no longer interested in any romantic attachment.  Just a friendship with laughter and fun. He is funny. I enjoyed feeding him.  He enjoys food.  But, this time, it was not the same.  I just wasn’t feeling it, wasn’t feeling him. I had no problem saying no most days. I only cooked IF I wanted to … not because he asked. He asked often. I had no problem not talking or texting with him for days on end. His antics no longer phased me. I was different. I felt different. I realized I was trying to like a person that is simply unlikable.

Of course, he just had to go and say something totally stupid, something ridiculous, something disrespectful.  Before No Contact, I would have let it go. i would have sulked, looked beyond his nonsense, the insanity. This time, however, before I knew it, before I could even catch myself, I gave him the tongue lashing he deserved. After my insult-laced tirade, I felt better than I had since I began this silliness with a mess-and-a-half. I called him a misogynistic, nasty, womanizing $%@#.  I called him a rotten you-know-what.  It felt good just writing it. After all why mince words. He doesn’t.

And, since what he said that sent me straight to La La Land was via text, it was only befitting that I hurl my insults using the same medium. I could not help myself. I unleashed every emotional thought I had held onto for over two years at him. Before i knew it, I was in La La Land and this time was glad to be there. I was not hurting, not bereft. I was unleashing my wrath on a pathetic narcissist who believes he has carte blanche to insult, hurt, abuse and mistreat others.

Okay friends, I’ll say it … I cursed him out! There, I said it. I cursed him out, and it felt sooooo good! I know some of you are thinking why would I bother.  To that I say why would I not bother. I did it for me! Do I care if it reverberated. Nope. I only care that I said it. I finally said it. I said what needed to be said to someone who had been mean, inconsiderate and a jerk of a human being to me since April 2013.  I no longer felt the need or even had the desire to be dutiful and respectful of someone else’s feelings who believed I deserve much less. When I cursed him out, it freed me! Yup, I’m free of the insanity that I had allowed to control my life for over two years.

When I sat my trash can at the curb yesterday morning, I sat him and his foolishness on top of that can — metaphorically, of course. It felt good. I felt really good.  Thank you God, I was back! I was done. And, this time it was for real. It was effortless. I wasn’t trying to forget about him. I FORGOT about him. I wasn’t trying to move on. I MOVED ON! It was done.

My tirade has been the greatest source of amusement I and my sister-friends have enjoyed in quite awhile.  In fact, one welcomed me back to my reality. To who I really am as an individual.  To the no-nonsense person I am that in my right mind would have never tolerated such blatant mistreatment, abuse from anyone ever. I have divorced husbands for less!

So to those of you who have trash in your home, throw it out. Remove it immediately.  You don’t need it. You’re not supposed to have it anyway. Now that you’ve gotten rid of that nasty, rancid, foul trash …

Be Happy! Love Yourself! It is way past the time for you to be Treating Yourself Wonderfully!

Surviving the Narcissist …

I read this today and thought how apropos it was for those of us who have experienced and survived (or will survive — yes you will) relationships with a narcissist.

The negative committee was convening a meeting inside my head this morning.  So, I pounded the gavel and dismissed the meeting.  I got out bed, showered, dressed, walked my puppy and decided to do something constructive.  I remembered the old adage “an idle mind is the devil’s playhouse”!  Devil, you will not make my head your playhouse.  Not today, you won’t.

This morning was kind of interesting as I found myself nearly face-to-face with one of his lovers who had seemingly shared his bed last night.

As I was leaving home, I ran into his overnight guest.  The one who had been out-of-the-picture and re-emerged last weekend.  I used to envy her spending time with a man for whom I shared a weakness.  Not any longer.  While I don’t pity her, I do think to myself … if you only knew, you would have stayed gone.

I am not only surviving my relationship with a narcissist but I have renewed strength and love for myself.

1. I have made peace with my past and my recent faux pas.  I will not allow this to define me. I have moved on. More importantly and the hardest part for me was to forgive myself! I am forgiven.

2. What others think of me does not concern me.  It is none of my business. It is difficult for someone like me who doesn’t want others to know how foolish I have been, given the knowledge I possessed! I realize now that others can only understand what I felt if they experienced the same pain.  A relationship with a narcissist has its own brand of pain.

3.  Time heals almost everything, give it time.  I gave myself healing time.  I embraced my heartache. I did not run from it.  I grieved (and did I grieve).  I deserved to grieve a little, however, I refused to let it linger.

4.  I no longer compare my life to others and though being non-judgmental was  a catalyst for my error in judgment, I am striving to be more discerning.  I realize this has been my journey and my journey alone.  I don’t expect others to understand it.  My focused is solely on me and making sense of my life’s journey.

5.  I work diligently on ceasing playing around in my head most of the time.  I am one who wants to know all the answers. And, I want to know them now.  I realize now that God is there, watching over me and gives me what I need when I need it.  Those answers I seek, He will give them to me in his own time, not mine!

6.  I am solely, unequivocally responsible for my happiness. After all it is my happiness. I promise myself to work at being happy everyday of my life. it becomes easier and easier each day.

7.  I am smiling and laughing more.  The problems in the world do not belong to me.  I cannot and will not carry the world’s burdens on my shoulders. They are too narrow.  Besides … do I really want to anyway?  Mmmmm Nope!

And, I added a few of my own as I heal from my narcissistic relationship.

8. I remind myself every single day of my attributes. I am attractive, smart, fun-loving, genuine, warm and caring.

9. I made a negative experience, a positive … I am a better me.  My positives have surfaced.  I have new-found self-esteemed. And, I love me!

10. I have expectations.  I did NOT have them before my narcissist.  I do now!  I expect any man in my life to treat me with love and respect.  And, I will not be a member of anybody’s harem!

11. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I deserve all of God’s many blessings!

12. As another blogger stated, I will not allow him to live a better life than me.  I have discovered me in the midst of his chaos.

You can too!

Treat yourselves well!