is where I was for 10 months and 11 days or 317 days of 2013, due to a Mess-and-a-Half which I had immersed myself. This morning, I was talking on the telephone to a sister friend — the one who really should think about becoming a stand-up comedian. I was telling my sister friend that I recognized sometime ago that my off-and-on vacation stops in La La Land over the narcissist were more symptoms of my overall state-of-mind, my muddling than any unhappiness with the Mess-and-a-Half. I conveyed this notion to my counselor and other sister friends months ago.
She got it! Don’t you love it when you are having difficulty expressing yourself and the individual on the other end “gets it”. I know I do. She responded almost immediately that she had noticed that when I would travel to La La Land, ranting and raving about the narcissist that I was usually dealing with other not-so-pleasant aspects of my life! Other parts of my life were off kilter. Helter-skelter so-to-speak.
Ask yourselves these questions: Are other parts of your life imbalanced? Are you worrying about your children? Are you worrying about your finances? Are you able to do many of the things you enjoy? Are your needs being met? Do you have the things you want/need? How’s your health? Do you hate your job? Your boss? Or, your co-workers? I can think of a few others but you get the point, I’m sure.
After the roller coaster I had been riding began to descend, I would take periodic trips to La La Land. I would talk about the narcissist and my Mess-and-a-Half without interruption, incessantly, constantly, continually, non-stop, around the clock, interminably, unremittingly, ceaselessly, endlessly, all day, every day. I pause here to express my appreciation to the sister friends who entertained my insanity. And, trust me that is exactly where I was — In my very own La La Land, Insanityville USA.
I needed answers! I would investigate, play detective and scrutinize every minute detail about the narcissist and my Mess-and-a-Half. I was going to figure out what went wrong, what had I done wrong that caused me to lose the momentary happiness I’d had for three months. I was going to determine one way or the other why it had disappeared — literally overnight, in six hours!
When the downward spiral began, I had just accepted a new and demanding position. I was working diligently at putting other aspects of my life in order, after having been gone for several years. My home needed repairs, I was worried about my children, one of my sister friends was gravely ill and I was dealing with all that life was throwing at me. I referred to it as hitting baseballs in one of those little cages. As soon as you hit one, there was another coming at you. As I reflect back on those days, I realize now that, with all that was going on, my making the Mess-and-a-Half a focal point, probably staved off my leaving La La Land for a trip to Crazytown.
I’m telling you he’s more of a symptom than anything else, I would tell the sister friends often. With the narcissist as my focal point, I would take a trip to La La Land at any given moment. There would be days where I would have breakfast, lunch and dinner in La La Land. I cared a great deal about the narcissist — that I won’t deny. However, my insanity was not all about the narcissist. It had a lot to do with the all-encompassing fog that was growing denser.
He was a symptom. Simple as that. Think about how often you have been in La La Land and swore it was one thing only to discover it was altogether something totally different. Been there, done that many times over the years. There was a lot on my plate. Some aspects of my life were overwhelming at the time. And then I became introduced to narcissism. Something I knew absolutely nothing about.
I often think now would I have been such a willing and easy target for someone of such odious ilk had I not already been in a fog. Going to La La Land would be a short trip for me. Who’s to say. But given the circumstances and the intimate knowledge I possessed, probably not. The narcissist’s intrusion into a life where I was simply muddling along would be the impetus I needed to exit La La Land.
I needed this assault on my soul, my very being. I desperately needed to wake up, smell the roses and put my life in order — one piece at a time. I needed self-esteem. I needed to establish boundaries. And, I needed to think about myself a little more and everyone else a little less. I needed to Treat Myself Better than Well … I needed to Treat Myself Wonderfully. I get it now!
Treat Yourselves Better than Well … Treat Yourselves Wonderfully!