Closing this chapter…

Dear Narcissist,

Thank you!

I now realize when you came into my life, it was what I needed at that very moment. Kinda what a doctor would have ordered had anyone known of my distress, my fears, my unsettled spirit at the time. You were wearing a mask, I get that now.  But remarkable good was derived from my experience with you — the man in the mask.  First, I was rescued from the holidays (which I detest).  You made them fun, sexy and lively.  Thank you!

Your arrival in my life was at a time when I was muddling along, not knowing what my next step would be, where would I go, what would I do.  Now I have come to believe you may have even saved me from my fog, saved my very spirit!  Thank you!

You started me to reading again and introduced me to that Book — you know the one.  I loved all three.  I probably never would have read and enjoyed them so immensely had you not given me your copy of the first one to read.  Now, I am not just reading but writing too and loving every minute!  Thank you!

You made me feel sexy and adventurous.  You gave me courage!  Thank you!

You gave me a memorable birthday weekend. It was fantabulous.  Thank you.

You gave me insight on aspects of my life that I had largely ignored due to the state of muddling I was in.  You gave me the wake-up call that I needed.  Thank you!

I still get goosebumps when I think of our last amazing night together before the downward spiral — It was amazing and memorable!

I am now closing this chapter in my life and beginning a new one.  It is called Out With The Old, In With The New and Improved Me.  I regret that I cannot take you with me on my next adventure.  There’s not going to be enough space for you.

You will always hold a special place in my heart despite … for without you, I would have remained in that fog that was consuming me.  With you, I have discovered me, the writing that I love so much, and the self-esteem and confidence that had eluded me most of my life.

You made me realize the importance of treating one’s self well.  You made me realize how important it is to love one’s self.  I could never be angry with you.  The funny thing is I now realize what you are even moreso than you. I am certain that you would seek the help you need if you knew.

And you did all this while wearing a mask!  Go figure!

While the bad days may outnumber the good ones, I can honestly say the quality of the good days made up for them.  See, the good days have not stopped, they’re still coming in leaps and bounds.  Why? Because you made me understand what I needed to understand.  I will never treat myself poorly again.  No more playing roulette with my heart.  You taught me the gravity of having expectations, of boundaries.  I am closing this chapter with a stronger sense of self — self-worth, self-love, self-esteem, etc.

My regrets are few and my gratitude is great!

Wishing you all the best life has to offer… Sayonara, Auf Wiedersehen

The End!

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6 thoughts on “Closing this chapter…

  1. What a great ‘good bye’ letter! And you know what I didn’t read in it? Bitterness, there is no bitterness! I hope this letter & your post will show other sister survivours that we CAN move on with peace in our hearts, and no baggage of bitterness! Great great post!

    1. Thank you Tela. There is no bitterness — not one teeny, tiny ounce. I think I wrote it all out of me. 🙂 I realize I have so much to be thankful for, so much to give and so much to look forward to now that this chapter is closed. I wish for all the women who have had their share of misery in a relationship the peacefulness and “love thy self” I have found. For me it is nothing but onward and upward. I will continue to write because I am loving it so much.

  2. The Word of God states in Philippians 3 13-14 Forgetting those things of the past I press forward toward the mark of the high calling of Jesus Christ. or. another way of saying vs 13 ” but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead”,.
    Press forward. God loves you and has so much for you if you trust Him. Now you can reach forward and strive for all He has for you with a clear purposeful mind.. You will also be able to bless others. You have gifts and talents and are worthy of the best.

    1. Thank you Faygo! How appropos is your comment and your verse on a day when we turn the clocks forward. With turning my clock forward, I have moved me forward. After all these years, I know my purpose. It is to write! I will keep writing only now with a new and better message. That message is that we must always be pressing forward. If we find that we are stuck in one place, we have to reach inside ourselves and ask our Awesome God for the help we need. I did just that on January 1st. Within minutes Faygo he answered me. I know it was nothing but God’s Saving Grace that has brought me to today. Gimme a call or let’s meet up! 🙂

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