Surviving the Narcissist …

I read this today and thought how apropos it was for those of us who have experienced and survived (or will survive — yes you will) relationships with a narcissist.

The negative committee was convening a meeting inside my head this morning.  So, I pounded the gavel and dismissed the meeting.  I got out bed, showered, dressed, walked my puppy and decided to do something constructive.  I remembered the old adage “an idle mind is the devil’s playhouse”!  Devil, you will not make my head your playhouse.  Not today, you won’t.

This morning was kind of interesting as I found myself nearly face-to-face with one of his lovers who had seemingly shared his bed last night.

As I was leaving home, I ran into his overnight guest.  The one who had been out-of-the-picture and re-emerged last weekend.  I used to envy her spending time with a man for whom I shared a weakness.  Not any longer.  While I don’t pity her, I do think to myself … if you only knew, you would have stayed gone.

I am not only surviving my relationship with a narcissist but I have renewed strength and love for myself.

1. I have made peace with my past and my recent faux pas.  I will not allow this to define me. I have moved on. More importantly and the hardest part for me was to forgive myself! I am forgiven.

2. What others think of me does not concern me.  It is none of my business. It is difficult for someone like me who doesn’t want others to know how foolish I have been, given the knowledge I possessed! I realize now that others can only understand what I felt if they experienced the same pain.  A relationship with a narcissist has its own brand of pain.

3.  Time heals almost everything, give it time.  I gave myself healing time.  I embraced my heartache. I did not run from it.  I grieved (and did I grieve).  I deserved to grieve a little, however, I refused to let it linger.

4.  I no longer compare my life to others and though being non-judgmental was  a catalyst for my error in judgment, I am striving to be more discerning.  I realize this has been my journey and my journey alone.  I don’t expect others to understand it.  My focused is solely on me and making sense of my life’s journey.

5.  I work diligently on ceasing playing around in my head most of the time.  I am one who wants to know all the answers. And, I want to know them now.  I realize now that God is there, watching over me and gives me what I need when I need it.  Those answers I seek, He will give them to me in his own time, not mine!

6.  I am solely, unequivocally responsible for my happiness. After all it is my happiness. I promise myself to work at being happy everyday of my life. it becomes easier and easier each day.

7.  I am smiling and laughing more.  The problems in the world do not belong to me.  I cannot and will not carry the world’s burdens on my shoulders. They are too narrow.  Besides … do I really want to anyway?  Mmmmm Nope!

And, I added a few of my own as I heal from my narcissistic relationship.

8. I remind myself every single day of my attributes. I am attractive, smart, fun-loving, genuine, warm and caring.

9. I made a negative experience, a positive … I am a better me.  My positives have surfaced.  I have new-found self-esteemed. And, I love me!

10. I have expectations.  I did NOT have them before my narcissist.  I do now!  I expect any man in my life to treat me with love and respect.  And, I will not be a member of anybody’s harem!

11. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I deserve all of God’s many blessings!

12. As another blogger stated, I will not allow him to live a better life than me.  I have discovered me in the midst of his chaos.

You can too!

Treat yourselves well!


3 thoughts on “Surviving the Narcissist …

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