Overvalue, devalue, discard. I think I began to pack up at the devalue stage! I had noticed the vague insults and the nastiness. I was repeatedly telling my girlfriends “I’m not liking the way he treats me.”
Discard is such an ugly, negative word. Let’s rethink the possibilities and turn it into a positive.
So did he discard me OR did I discard him? I realized today I was NOT discarded. If everything I have read is true about the narcissist, rather than leave you, they simply shelve you until the next time they want to bestow their presence on you. How silly is this? As if you’ll remain shelved. Narcissists are hoarders of women. Without realizing it, I was becoming a source of Primary Narcissistic Supply.
I have a girlfriend who I confide in often. In fact, she helped me get through the darkest days with my narcissist. As I was emerging from that dark place, I sent him a text expressing my dissatisfaction with the sex he had been serving up. But what does anyone expect from a man who seemingly beds a different woman every night. Somebody’s not gonna get it right. And I’ll be damned if it will be me.
My girlfriend has repeatedly drilled in my head, he did not dump you, you dumped him. She knew that If I wanted to be with him, I could. On his terms! I no longer want to be with him. I no longer want to share his bed. I no longer want to pretend I did not see what I saw or knew what I know. His lifestyle is dishonest and debaucherous. It is an illusion! And, it is not for me.
So was I actually discarded? Or, alternatively did I become disillusioned, disappointed, disabused, fed up, dissatisfied and discontented and discard him! Some may say I am in denial, but I don’t think so. As I review the year’s activities and my state of mind, I simply became physically and emotionally drained and tired of his shenanigans!
So those of you who believe you have been discarded, rethink the possibility that you just may have been the discarder, not the discardee. I write this primarily for those of us who want to feel better. It is for those of us who want to take the negative and turn it into a positive. We were actually strong enough to walk away from someone we thought we wanted. We packed up our toys and went home. Never to be mistreated in such a callous and disheartening manner again.
I wanted my power back. So I took it and my toys and went home to stay!
I am not bitter. I am not angry. I am happy. I have forgiven me and him! I mean can you actually be angry with someone for being who they are? Absolutely not. On the other hand, you owe it to yourself to dismiss him (or her) and the shenanigans. I watch the women traipsing in and out of his home/hotel* daily and think to myself … if you only knew what I know! Some days, I want to scream, he’s narcissist, “run” “save yourself“! Would they even listen? I wonder if they even pay attention to the signs I noticed and discounted right off the bat. *I sometimes refer to his home as a hotel!
Were we enlightened? Of course we were. Did we search out these blogs and found there were many of us who had shared this very same experience? I know I did. Did we not gobble up all the information we possibly could on narcissism and what it does to our very souls? Certainly.
We are not the victims we may have at one time thought we were. We are not discards as we once believed. We are brave women (and men) who freed ourselves of someone not worthy of our love, our time and all that we have to give!
Yes, I discarded him! This is my reality. I am a brand new me. I am like the mythological phoenix. I have new life. And, with my new life, I come first!
Treat yourselves well!